Family Violence

I am Sad.

Home, should be a happy place to be in. With people you can communicate without any worries. Playing together like you've known each other forever or at least, given you support when you are down.

But I guess not all families can be so, because mine wasn't. The one broadcast on TV wasn't. Some of my friends' wasn't.

On the TV, the lead was molested by her brother-in-law who took no remorse at is behavior despite being useless as it is and having a pregnant wife. Her parent are against her at reporting the matter to the police reason being, it would make them lose face.

What A Joke.

This reminds me, ain't this like what my parent did? Defending for their precious son and making it out to be my fault despite knowing deep down I'm the victim.

In the example, it was a case of molestation. In my case, it was a case of family violence.

He'd beat me/cane me whenever he's frustrated, unhappy or have simply nothing to do. I have tried telling my parent many times but see what have been done?

Nothing. Each time it's a case of pretence and when I propose reporting it, they'd give all kind of promises and excuses. Even hurting me if needed.

I never knew what's going through their mind. The three of them. I never knew if I'm part of the family or am I just a toy to be battered and abused.

When I grew up, I became more indifferent to things around me. People. Lies. You name it. I don't like people calling my name, touching me or being my friend. I became anti-social. Everyone's a brat to me. No one's being true to anyone. I'm alone. I'm helpless if I need help. So I gotta learn to stand up to myself.

And I learnt. I learn to fall and stand up again. You abuse me verbally, I'll scream back at you in the same manner. You give me shit, I'll give you 10 times of it.

Even till now my home is in a ruin. How far is it from my utopia? A million miles away, maybe not even measurable. It's never gonna get anywhere near it.

Because I never belonged here in the first place.

I never felt valued nor needed.

Know what? I felt like a toy. Full Stop.

Watching that show just reminds me of how adamant a primary school kid wanted to get out of her home and establish her foot somewhere else, showing the world what she's capable of. Showing the people who let her down that they're wrong, making them bow to her whenever she's near.

The lead left her home and never acknowledged her family members again. I wouldn't too. But I was too young for that.

Now that I'm older, I think I know what I can do for myself, to reach my utopia.
And I won't restrict myself nor make myself unhappy again just to protect a friggin' place they call home.


If I have any kids, I swear I would never make them go through all of this. Never ever, in their entire life. If my spouse did it, I'll never forgive him.

So let's find someone who loves kids! =)