Long Entry on.. bo xim lang/kia

O' great. I was thinking through these few days and I found out that I have a severe problem case of ambigual personality.

Not in the literal case of course that would requires me a trip down to.. errr. hougang, but it really drives me nuts sometimes. Like how I would pretend i like this, like that all because some very smart alec/self-centered decisive bastard decides that well, charmaine gotta like this!

and no.. i don't like it one bit or at all. the reasons why im not saying it out is because im trying not to hurt anyone (actually im trying hard to increase my emotional quotient really.) and because i dont like to deal with the aftermath. the hows, the whys, the explanations and the tons and tons of smart lectures i gonna take from all you people.

and these are some of the things that i reallyyy reallllyyy hate/loathe... *clench fist tightly*

Explanations - ok look, I dont owe anyone a hell of explanation for all i care. but that doesn't means im irresponsible okay? sometimes it just feels like the more i say, the more it gotta get written off and its fruitless so i rest my case and stop wasting precious saliva on stupid people who can't see the facts lay out in front of them. so if i do owe you a explanation, i'll explain on my own account without you asking me for it in due course. FULL STOP.

Making the decisions - ahhhh look. you know how some people just take it for granted that you give them the respect of choosing and they forgo your opinions all together because they sees you as an indecisive dog and how they would loveeeee to do you the great favour (and you can thank them with roses and chocolates and even marry them as a way of reciprocation) because they're so kind, great and noble you're not supposed to say no, be angry at them and doubt their decisions. seriously, i think i can do without this kind of service. i have a brain, i have functions that allows me to know what i like and what i dont like. if im in a dilemma, i can throw a coin, spin my pen or even do nursery rhyme style. JUST STOP MINDING MY FUCKING BUSINESS AND LET ME MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS. :)

Giving 2cents' worth of opinions - ok sure, so we all like some advices, some suggestions and even some recommendations. but advices and suggestions are just references and when we say offer your 2cents' worth of opinions, make it sure it stays at that. at being 2cents', no more than that, its not to say that i take your opinions as shyt or worthless blabberings from you, but the fact remains that when i make a decision, i'll more likely like to have 90% or more, of my own opinions, own thinking process and own measurements.

i welcome constructive criticisms with good suggestions, meaning if you're pinpointing any faults/flaws or you feel that something is wrong, say it out but specific whats wrong. if its a gut feeling, say its a gut feeling. don't go one round, beat around the bush and say "oh, i just dont like it" because i don need you to like it in the first place. thank you annoying nosey asshole. and if you have a idea in mind, make sure its better than the inital idea.

ok, so now it gets a little subjective! how do we know whats better or not? for one, if its work, will the idea help more in the course of work than the previous idea? if its personal, does it help solve matters? like beating up people's mistress aint gonna save the broken r/s, so its a fantastically lousy and nonsensical idea that lands you in hot chicky soup and you can finally have your.. prison break, nice huh? :D)

Yeah, i guess these are the things that kept me from blogging these few days because i cant get them out of my chest and they''re suffocating me!

i know some of you reads this blog but hell i don know if you know im referring to you! (please help source your conscience somewhere.. and make doubly sure its not stuck in your poo hole, arsehole or up your nose for that matter.) and i know im gonna sound a little crude here but please, please respect me as a human, as a friend. even if you treat me as a stray animal you occasionally pat on just to show your caring side (believe me, i know who these people are and im just not giving attitudes - yet.) you dont come looking for me when you're in need and shun me when you're fine because by now, im treating you like a fly. arsehole.

and these are my heartfelt words to all you people out there who commits this evil deed..

dont play buddy buddy with me out there when you know those people are my friends and you gotta be my buddy to hang out with them and you know you need my help so you play buddy to pave your path.

really.. i dont mind helping a stranger. but dont give me that buddy trick because i find it very bo xim of you when i treat you like a buddy and you treat me like invisible, transparent and totally omittable when you dont need my rendering service me. im not gonna say that im a stewpit, naive and innocent slurp, but yes, i gotta admit that i am very.. easy to trick, bluff, poof.

so all the more you dont take advantages of me okay, because im easy to put trust in mammals.

O.. and finally im done with this blabberings and im feeling safe, satisfied and happy enough to doze off into my dreamland now, though im still wondering why on earth am i tolerating these creatures(mentioned above) and treating them as my friends. :D

P.S: I hope I didn't mention any vulgarities, cheap & awful words in the paragraphs before, because im trying hard to match up to these high class people and im not supposed to show my sarcasms too! *act girly and whiney* OH MY GAWK!!!! DID I JUST SAID SHIT?!?!?!?! HOW AWFUL!!!! MOMMMMMMYYYYY!!!! :{

from the wondering-wonde-ring,

Charps! :D