im so gullible

i am so gullible yet cynical at the same time.

gullible for certain reasons, cynical because of the once bitten, twice shy theory. there are people i'd believe times and times again to be proven wrong each time and still throw in the bet to just take a chance, believe and hope expectations comes true.

but it almost never did.

..and even when people link accusations to them, i would clear up the air as if i knew they didn't do it. but deep inside what do i really feel? disappointments, anger or the tearing bits? there are many times i wish to just pick up the phone and talk to you like we always do. the bits of life, all the honesty that comes from voice over at the end of the cable.

i almost forgotten people do change, just as i did! im not sure if my changes were for the better, but im sure things between us did not. maybe my fault, my bad. i threw the things i'd cherish and treasure most away when everything was fine and did it out of ...

..well. unknown reasons. reasons i couldn't even comprehend myself.

i know that bond between us might have been lost. but i thought i could fix it, mend it and just make it as good as before. but my efforts were useless, futile and only until now do i realise it.

im not really sad, angry or nothing. just felt lost, pity and maybe.. regrets.


but if one day i should meet you on the streets again, i know i'll still fumble and stutter and talk like its my first time, just as i used to do when we were younger.


because something starts and ends just as fast as it started, but some things just stays the way it is, for a long long time before it fades off eventually.