:)

For once, the air wasn't so suffocating. She could breathe easy, just the way she wants it. The room is now dimly lited with music playing softly in the background. She couldn't remember the last time she felt any better than this.

As usual, she's writing her late night entry. She loves jotting her thoughts down at this hour for there she knows, in the corner lies her true self waiting to be found. She's been feeling melancholic lately and it's been acting up again. The feeling of reluctance and all sorts of negativities that seems to be consuming her. In front of others she's always happy, cheeky even though traits of the unhappy perfectionist still surface now and then. Then again, she wasn't blaming anyone.

Because she's happy with everyone, except herself.

Pushing herself back into the cushion she had set comfortably for herself a moment ago, she had thought about the question that her mate had posed to her in the evening.

"So.. have you always been like this? This happy-go-lucky? No worries?"

The concerned friend asked. The friend had probably asked out of curiousity or even out of envy but with a good intention. Searching through for the answers in her head, she could hardly mutter a "Yes" to take it as the answer to the question that seems so simple yet profound.

At this very moment, she sat up from her position and started to jot down what might just be the answer that she had in mind.

"No. That is not me. I am not as strong as you think I am. But what can be done? Look, people are crying and saddness is abundant. But these saddness can only be kept away from view by laughters and smiles that is contagious. Only laughters can stop saddness, that evil plague from spreading. Only laughters can serves as the only treatment to what have happened in the past.

It is a big burden to be carrying a whole sack of saddness around. I have learnt to set them down and use it as a fertiliser, to grow happiness from the seeds I've planted. I will grow them with love, but time sometimes disappoints me. I will learn from these disappointments, give doubt, be doubt and the cycle will repeat over and over again. I have my worries but they are kept away for fear of pride and to keep it up with the strong front.

At times I feel tired from carrying the burdens around before I sow the seeds. It can be anyone's burden. A friend's, a family's or even a stranger's. But when they are relieved, happiness spreads and thats when it makes it all worth it.."

:)