Atheist? Christianity?

I've never been a religious person since young. I hated the smoke, incense and all the traditions that comes with it. I find it sheer stupidity, i kid you not.

When I was like around 8, there's this auntie who is the mother of my friend Jonathan and she'd bring me and my best childhood friend(albeit my longest friendship - wileen) to her place and make us study in a condusive environment.

I still remember the moment when I stepped into their home and I felt "ohhh. There's a nice calming atmosphere and it feels 'safe' to be here."

I saw statue of Jesus Christ and I didn't thought much about joining them because I thought I'll stay a atheist always since I'm skeptical of such things. About gods being almighty and such.

I don't know when it started, but I started getting to those saturday childcare place with alot christian kids who prayed when we have our break and we play together like we knew each other for the longest time. There's always a bus that drove us back to our neighbourhood so mom was fine with that, being me all independent and everything.

I guess I kinda got influenced then.

I've been thinking of quitting my atheist status and converting to a christian for a few years now. But each time I'd give up the thought and decided it's best to stick with being a atheist.

But I guess things just ain't the same anymore.

The older I am, the more decisons I want and need to make. I can't shove them off to one corner like I used to and decide that since I didn't see them and thus, the decision need not be made. Also, as time goes by I come to appreciate the little things that happened and realized that I do need a belief to fall on.

I've been pondering if it's because of my lack of decisivness over this issue that I've been feeling vexed inside me. That I've been feeling useless because my beliefs system are in a mess and nothing's organized.

Maybe it sounds random to you but maybe to me.. just maybe. It's connected.

I may not be the most devoted follower, attending every single sunday service but i really really enjoyed learning from jesus how to be someone better.

And I actually enjoyed reading QY's bible just now. I guess its time for me to make a choice.. once and for all. Mom has no issues over it but she kept emphasising that I can't drink, can't smoke and can't gamble to which I have absolutely no addiction or interest in.

 

OUT!

Charps.