What's past.... is past and old wounds sometimes still hurts.

These days, I've been really efficient at work and I've been trying to incorporate more sports into my general mundane life to spice things up a little. All good, had a game of badminton over the weekend and went for sprinting this morning under the void deck.

I had wanted to do stair climbing but got myself scared outta shit as I climbed from the 1st to 8th floor all the while remembering the handyman uncle who committed suicide by jumping down and splashing the floor with fresh, vomit-inducing smell of blood bright watermelon juice so I decided to run down all the way and go to the void deck which doesn't face that.. final destination.

Took a bus to work, all the way listening and repeating this song called "好朋友只是朋友". I felt like crying after I heard it and felt the same way the whole day at work today. Coincidentally, saw that he has graduated and my mind was exclaiming finally! in a good way. He's not planning to come back, I know.

His heart is elsewhere; on bigger things in life.

I remembered how I didn't like him the first time I saw him. He was popular and it wasn't a good thing to me. I always felt so stressful handling or befriending people like that. He was a gem and I guess many knew it - except me. Of course, when we finally talked and became fast friends everything fast-tracked. We were on the phone on a daily basis, talking about where we're going and what's the plan. It was like a friend's promise to another for so many years.

Everything was good until his popularity overshadow our friendship. People started to be close to me to get to him and it was so heartbreaking. I swear it was, except I found it a nuisance and didn't look at it the way it was supposed to be. I was the last to realize and though I've put it down I still find myself an idiot.

I started ignoring him. Then we drifted apart. Big... time.

We started contacting each other on and off and even so it was difficult for me to maintain my cool around him even though it was through the monitor screen. I don't know which is worst - the fact that I actually liked him for so many years and didn't realized it even when everyone else around me observed it or the fact that I didn't take any action even after I realized it because I'm such an eccentric weirdo.

Now that I'm listening to the song, I'm just thinking if time could rewind like the guy who traveled through time 9 times with the insane 9 stick of incense; I would go back to the time we met and properly introduce myself. I would not ignore him.

I would let him know; instead of letting my inferiority complex getting into the way and disabling my heart altogether.

I don't want to think back and rationalize my actions back then but I'm just thinking that maybe I was afraid of spoiling the soup and in the end I decided to let it be. Then I couldn't let it be because he was damn popular and girls actually asked me to pass present to him because they know we're close.. and my jealousy took over and irrationality took over; prompting me to ignore someone I didn't want to ignore.

GAWK. I still feel like burning all your pretty wrapped and scented presents now that I think of it. :[

Anyway, it's over and even so.. listening to this song hurts. I just wish I knew what to do back then.

越懂你陪著你就越寂寞
靈魂那麼美我卻碰不得
感覺再熾熱也不能讓飛蛾去撲火
靠近你的夢難道就能不失落


Adios with love,
The girl who had a retarded heart.

Warm welcome in the summer breeze

Today was an incredible day.
Old friends meeting - for dinner, reminiscing and secrets digging.
In one way or another, I have put down the past. The struggles, the fears, the what-could-it-be. Locked many posts before and thought that might do the trick to keep public eye out; what a shock when friend googled and found it easily accessible.

Was I careless, was I not ready to put it all behind or did I purposefully left the entry unlocked?

I can't remember and it doesn't matter now. History remains history and the present is here.

Sweet dreams,
Charps.

It's a Saturday and I'm home. Lifeless.

I'm supposed to head out to Ikea for lunch with the peeps followed by bowling at DT East and maybe a movie after that. But knowing that they're gonna catch the show that I don't wanna watch no matter what, I started to dread heading out of the house when it's time to do so.

It's always like this anyway.

Supposed to meet ying after that but didn't head out too because after feeling dread about the earlier supposed outing, I slept through the afternoon and did not sms her in time about the time to meet. Ended up she's cooking dinner and we'll meet next saturday when it's the chalet time. Must really make it up to her lor. :(

Time to go now. It's so hot and humid and I'm not feeling good inside.

很想和你在一起

How does it feels like to be longing for something but unable to get it no matter how many times you've tried? How does it feels when you're touched from a story that feels so surreal yet real and actually depicts the emotions so vividly?

I got it. Felt it. Cried and bawled with the box of tissue right beside me.

This is one movie I'll recommend for years to come and know that the storyline though cliche, will never get you yawning. What pretty sights and music.

Watch 很想和你在一起 if you haven't and if you're having a really bad day and wishes to cry it all out. It works. :)

很想和你在一起 主题曲

你要你要振作　卸去模糊的妆
我已决意远去　只因发觉
再充当爱侣　你终会伤得身心粉碎
这爱迷离扑朔　无人明了清楚
世界会嫌弃你　慌张看你
更加疏远你　结果剩余孤单将你杀死
实在我多渴望长留这里
驻守在你家居
两餐一宿也与你双相对
但若这种爱害你喝苦水
更贬值成负累
我宁愿抽身匆匆隐退
请不要痛悲　我早晚暗中庇护你

试试埋头拼搏　试试闲游他方
试试去忘记我　清洗了我
再找位爱侣　托他轻吻乾你两行陈泪
实在我多渴望长留这里
驻守在你家居
两餐一宿也与你双相对
但若这种爱害你喝苦水
更贬值成负累
我宁愿抽身匆匆隐退

你要撑下去
寻回应得的生趣
呷一口彩虹言尽心窝里
好好过下去
趁清楚赶快回去
报答我松开手的心碎

请不要痛悲　我早晚暗中庇护你
爱着你

quick quick flash.

My hiatus from blog came about as the will to write weakens and the soul that it describes falls over in nothing but fatigue. My life been incredibly busy for the past few weeks and will continue to be so until the new month comes.

There's a few thing I'm looking forward to though.

1)The ending of tuition. Oh, the angst of crazy parents..
2)The coming of celebrations. For old friend's sake, for celebrating a life. :)
3)The possible promotion to joining the company I am in ---- officially as a full-time, perm staff. I'm looking at the benefits as well as the erm, pay. Well who doesn't? Dread is the work's not done for last week and I'm supposed to do OT on Saturday (which I came back but found no time to finish as I was under training.)

Please let this week be over in a quick flash and save me the agony of rush and tiredness. Otherwise, it might be a good idea to have some really good news coming in. Like winning the lottery or something. :DDD

long weekend

The long weekends finally here.. and over. Heh! I've been resting well enough for the past 2 days and what can I say? It's great! Monday to Friday is taking a toll on me somewhat, must be the amount of brain work and eyes exercise I've been doing.

Met up with Joel on Thursday night for dinner and he introduced a cute-looking friend of his to me. I'm starting to think that the friend's kinda cute because he's not as talkative and irritating as Joel is. Hah! Too bad it's a last minute meet-up and we weren't able to get QY to join in. She's still working at 7+ when we called her up! :(

Then it was a series of unfortunate events on Friday. Yes. A series. Basically everything that could go wrong went wrong.
First, I woke up late. Missed the company bus by a mere 7-10minutes. Decided to cab to work since I'm really reluctant to join in the morning crowd. There were 3 cabs and when I opened the cab door I make it a point to check with the uncle if he knows the way from my area to the office before I get in.

"Yes, yes I know." was the reply. I then boarded the cab. Minutes later, I got myself all so flustered and angry that all I wanna do is to strangle the Uncle till he beg for mercy. He turned left into this dead end turn (where you have to make a full round turn) when I ask him to go straight and when I realized I literally SCREAMED.

"UNCLE I ASK YOU TO GO STRAIGHT. NOT TURN."
"Oh here cannot turn is it?"
"I ASKED YOU TO GO STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT. TURN BACK NOW."
*he brakes and make a turn*

Good thing that lane wasn't used by many in the morning. Then remember how the uncle mentioned he knows the way to my office? That scum drove me up to the lane whereby it's a split towards the CTE and KJE then mutter..

"Which one ah?"
"Uncle I thought you know the route? Take KJE."
"No.. I don't know that route."
"Then you told me you knew? You were lying?"
"No I wasn't. Let's take the CTE. That one I know."
"But how long would it take to get to my office? This is a longer route you know and CTE is crowded at this timing."
"No ah, I cannot tell you traffic condition. I used to drive evening shift one. Different"
"But uncle usually you drive evening ok, how long does it takes you?"
"Erm I cannot tell you one."

Super wtf. By then I was fuming but not so much until the uncle rattles on and on about how lucky I am to meet him in the morning and whats not. I say, it's my start of an unfortunate day. :))))))))))))

I then make it a point to ask if he knows where's the nearest MRT ot my workplace. Yes yes was again the reply. When we passed Orchard (CTE AYE) he has the cheek to ask.

"So I turn left or right ah?"
"Uncle I thought you know where's the station is? I asked you so many times and everytime you know where it is now you don't know?"
"Long time never come mah."
"Then TELL ME MAH. EVERYTHING SAY YOU KNOW NOW YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IS MY FARE NOW BECAUSE OF YOU?"

When I reached my company site it was already 8.15am and I was supposed to be at office by 8am (I'd have reached by 7.45 latest by another cab) and the fare? A whooping SGD$46.95. The costliest I ever took was $27.70 during peak hour and we took an extra round because it was my first time there and I was lost.

"Uncle, I only got $30 cash. You want you take. If you don't want I can only pay you in nets but still I am not willing to pay the full cost. You told me you know the route. I will report you on this."
"Aiye told you already mah I never anyhow drive traffic condition.."
"Ok, whatever. Take the nets"

AHA! Karma. The nets refused to work. So after spending another 15mins trying to make it work I told uncle:

"Uncle I seriously no time to waste with you here. Give me your acct number and I'll deposit to you. This is my mobile number."

"Okay."

By mid-noon I've contacted comfort to discuss the matter with them and they mention that I should first discuss with the cab driver to decide if he's willing to settle on a reasonable cab fare before I decide whether to lodge a report or not. I then called the driver but he claims he's busy to talk to me and only called me around 6.30pm later. I told him that there's no way I'm gonna pay that $47 and he finally accepted my $30 offer. However the suayness doesn't end here. I went to draw money from the ATM and realized Comfort deducted the full fare from my acct! (DAMN) It's double suayness because 1)POSB can't stop the transaction, 2) the earliest I can get Comfort Bill dept would be on Tuesday since Monday = PH.

Did I mention that my lunch kakis were either absent or busy at work on that day? :(

Good news came in when I checked my acct on Sat and my money's back. Must be a rejected transaction. :)Currently enjoying my holiday. Heh. Isn't my company nice to let us off on a Monday when everyone's either getting a credit leave or nothing at all? :)))

:)

Hi there!

I've been missing for sometime now, not blogging or getting out to hang out. My hectic schedule been crazy and yes it doesn't help that I much prefer to stay home and do some cleaning when it's time to rest.

I haven't been out for a movie!!!! Nor a decent meal date with my favorite people! :(

Let me do a not-so-brief update here.

I've started on a new job, a ft one that puts me on a contract for 3 months and if I perform well, I may get converted to a perm staff. I pretty much like this company and yes, I like to know that I am actually doing something about my life.

In this week, I've lost 2 students which is a good thing as they are often the ones who cancel lessons at realm and it really sucks having students like this. I mean c'on, you call this learning? I am trying to work out a solution with this another student whose mother wanted me to go but the kid wanted me to stay. Not like I can commit really, for my timing are unpredictable considering that I find it guilty to leave work for my colleague to finish. I'm supposed to be the assistant and finishing it! Not let her continue and do OT you know?

I am having a lesson with this student tomorrow and I hope to persuade him to give other tutors a try especially since it's someone I know who is responsible and nice. That would really proves to be a better solution than now.

If all goes well, I'd only be left with my favorite sec 5 whose tuition will probably end next month or this once the O's are over and this P2 girl who I'll bee seeing for every Monday and Wednesday. She's pretty nice and lives near to my place. I'll see how it goes. I really don't want too many committments since I'm not cashing on tuition to be my main income now and I wish to place more priority on my main job.