Thursday, August 31, 2006

Bee & The Durian Tree

Sometimes I wonder why I know of so many desperados around..

Who likes to fool around with me when they are down..

Like I'm a substitute for their loss in love..

And invite me out for a dinner..

I just shake my head and say..

"Get Lost You Stupid Faggot!"


Wahh lao, really lorr.. I'm sick of playing substitute.. I seriously think when somebody is out of love, they tend to be directionless and turns from bees who gather honey to bees who poke onto a durian tree.

Which is..

Funny. Hahahahahahahahahahahhahah~

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Been slacking at home and not blogging for the past few days..

Been watching Kim Sam Soon and yes! I finally finished it on youtube! Love it because it tells us that the impossible do happens..

Been chatting online with someone. Suddenly knew alot of thing about him. Actually I'm more interested to know more about his cousin but anyway.. yeah. Suddenly realize that I have this fairytale-like concept in my brain about the L word.

That god made man in pairs and seperated them apart; sometimes across the globe to test the stamina of true love and if love can be blocked..at all.

And if 2 person are right for each other, they would come round to each other in the end if they perservere. Even if they might get hurt in the process or get confused.

Just maintain a pure heart and true love shall come to you, people!

I'm feeling so comforted right now, god only knows my poor resolution.. -.-


Btw, I'm really craving for some good books now! Have you guys got any good recommendations?

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My Noble Resolution In Years To Come

I suppose ugly people like us often incurs the curiousity of many with our eh. love life.

No mom, I'm not having a boyfriend mom. I was on the phone with a female friend. And no, I'm not a lesbian damnit!

(Friend) Have you got a boyfriend yet Charmaine?
(Me) No.
(Friend) Why?
(Me) Too ugly and no one wants and eh, I think I want a man slave more than a boyfriend
(Friend) You're right.

Eh yeah, that's what my colleague replied. BAH!

Ah yi said I'm perfectionist. My mom says I'm picky. I say I am trying to avoid a tragedy.

The L word is dangerous and if I really wanna get into 1, I could have learnt from some of my friends and jump into a relationship with anyone who takes extra interest in me..

which is like waste of time and would make me nauseous.

Why would you wanna do something like that, just to prove that you've been in love when you don't like the guy?

That's so stupid man..

Btw, do you know that by the age of 29, most people would have a min. of 4 to 9 relationships? I find that amazing because I only believed in 'the one'.

And yes, yesterday I made a resolution.

If by my 30th birthday and I still ain't hooked yet, I would dedicate myself to...














Making more money than now.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

Bugger

Feeling down and bad because my lappie has been down with spywares and trojan..

Oh.. and this. Does anyone know about my classmate who I felt erm.. 'threatened' in a way that whenever we're talking to someone, she would be super enthu(or call it.. kpo) and wanna know every single thing that we're talking about. There's no privacy, no secrets, no nothing.

For easier reference, let's call her S.

I started feeling 'threatened' and annoyed because I am someone who valued my privacy a little too much and she's invading it every single second.. and even wanna interfere or monitor about what I say.

Her actions gives me the impression that she's being too possessive with a certain friend we all feel comfortable with.. and then I'll feel guilty for feeling that way like I'm so narrow-minded; over-sensitive and everything.

Today, the others told us about this outing we might be having tomorrow. It is supposed to be a bowling trip for everybody, but then the idea seems to have born out from S. It seems like such a foolish idea for everyone from the wild wild west to travel so far to the east in order just to have a bowling game. I couldn't fathom why the game can't be done in the central or somewhere where everyone has easy access to. The only reason I could understand is that S lives in that estate and it pisses me off to think that she didn't spare a thought for the others..

And then I'll start feeling guilty all over it again. Arggg.

Just then one of the other peeps in the group, let's call her M called me up to check about tomorrow's outing. And she told me she's not sure if she wana go, because it would be boring because she didn't really like bowling and there'd be little people to talk to unless I'm going.

Note, she's not anti-social or anything near there. But is more closer to the few of us because we're more open..

And then she told me "I'm not sure i wanna go because you probably know S would 'occupy' XX and i wouldn't have a chance to talk to XX and if you ain't going, I'm so not going"

So I thought maybe I'll go and S decided the trip be cancelled due to some 'unforseen circumstances'.

It's weird but I believe most of us experienced this kind of stuffs.. when some people just cut into your friendship and kind of make you feel ..weird.

I'm not sure if I like that, but the last time ATYL did that and stabbed me in the back simultanously it made me angry for long and till now I refused to be her friend again because I don't place trust in her or her so-called friendships and integrity no longer.

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Sunday, August 27, 2006

Kim Sam Soon

Kim Sam Soon is such a nice korean movie, you just gotta catch it.

And yes, enough of the sappy korean movie like Winter Sonata..

Weets, I'm off to watch KSS again, before I get out for work!

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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Virgin Trip @ Seoul Garden

Had barbeque buffet at Seoul Garden today with some of my classmates and teacher. This marks my virgin trip to Seoul Garden after passing by its entrance since god knows when!

This was supposed to be an class outing but many ended up flying us aeroplane and the few good kids went off to enjoy the free treat given! Had a sumptious meal, though the teacher and I had veggies the most.

Health conscious mah!

Oh! And he's being very evil for having said that I'm not the kind of girl who knew how to do housework. Wrong! I just didn't know how to cook because I kept keeping my hand back when the oil splatters around..

That's so freaking scary lo! Especially when he turned the heat up!

Hemp! I'm being crowned the bbq-Queen today, for knowing when to turn the meat around though I had problem taking them out.. and had to 'plead' with the others to help me with it.

Duh, oei! Don't like that can?

My girl peeps in the class are thinking of getting to Marina Bay next week for another round of steamboat and some bowling session. I'm so looking forward to it!

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I consider myself a wussy sometimes for not letting go of things.

That happened and should just go.

Get. Away. From. My. Life.

I added my first friend on friendster and when she sent me a message talking as if we're still in the past and calling me out like how she used to, I'm feeling bliss.

Like the wonderful moments in life would all comes together again.

I'm feeling so much fulfilment from the voluntary work I'm doing because I'm making a difference into someone's life. I'm helping people and I'm loving every moment of it!

It makes me wonder why I only realized it now.. that helping people could render so much wonderful-ness when I knew it exactly from the start.

Sometimes it takes more than a little of knowledge to start; more than a little courage to experience and more than a little freak-o-meter to realize! =)

P.S: My No.1 friend thought that I'm a lesbian, all thanks to all the testimonials my 'darlings' have left me.

And partly because I acknowledged it with a thank to all my lesbian-ic friends out there in my profile.

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Busted

I'm so dead busted.

Went to bed only at 4am this morning, only to wake up at 7am skipping my zoo project and going for my kids project.

So many things to do; so little time.

My holiday is so screwed this time..

And I'm wondering, which class would I be in the next semester? Would there be anyone I'd know from the previous one or would I have to start over again from the start, getting to learn new people and accepting them?

We're having a class outing today at Seoul Garden(of all places, it now marks my virgin trip) and yes, I'm hoping someone would foot the bill in their name because I'm broke and it's out of form of courtesy that I am going.

I'm so not going to wash the bowls when I'm done eating! Let's hope that I've packed enough coins to pass over to the waiter/waitress later.

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Friday, August 25, 2006

Friend

O' my friend, how I beam at your company.
How I laugh at the jokes may it funny or not.
You're a superstar in my eyes.
You jam the guitar like a rock star
and a bass one at that.
You'd show me your latest performance
and I'd stare into your eyes in front of the 17" box.
You'd felt strange and funny,
turns your head away.
You'd adjust the webcam
Again and again so I'd see the best.

I'd be your same old good buddy
giving you the support
And you'll be the listening ears always,
while the music plays away.

I've never thought time could stop,
Never thought we could stay this way
But how could I contain this excitment
When I witnessed your progress?
From a boy to a man
From playful to mature.
Im in a joyous mood
just seeing you.


Something that I've written for my friend who I knew from online and showed me how it looked like in Houston! I wrote this pretty long ago and I just found it somewhere today. So here it is!

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Sexy Name Decoder


Charming Hottie Adeptly Rendering Matchless Affection and Intense, Naughty Embraces


Addie, I think my name is sexier than you! XD

You can try it out here

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How Un-Malaysian Are You?

Congratulations Charmaine , you are 73% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...


Guy Sebastian !

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

So people, I'm not Malaysian! I'm not one in the first place so stop calling me as one..

I just happened to spend my early childhood in a kampong area. Which is relaxing and rare for someone living in the fast paced Singapore!


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My first friend; my first best friend.

There are times whereby when you recall your past and memories comes flowing back to you, these people stands out from the others and make your crack a smile or two.

Wileen is one of them.

I seldom talked about her since long ago.. because I always remembered that she ass-ed our friendship on the first day that I decided to pon-teng my badminton training. She went to our instructor and told him that I wanted to quit the club.



What the.. So I went up to her and asked her why she did that. Her response? That it was my fault, that I told her that and even asked her to relayed the message. She even did that in front of my classmates. Screamed at me.

That moment I wanted to explode. Freak out. Pull hair. Grit my teeth.

Know what? We had the best coordination when it came to badminton, floorball and basketball. I loved her. As a friend. She was my first friend and the first one to really treat me like a friend. I had no idea what happened that made her did that but I am still angry about it. Call me petty.. I am still angry. Because I never knew what happened? Or is it because I never want to remember it again?

Met her online few years later. Chatted and I kind of got myself to forgive her..not fully though. It was like a shadow casted. A scar left behind. You just never get it out of your mind.

Met her during her 13th birthday party. Her mom told my mom to get me there..and my mom encouraged me to stay over. IT IS ONLY AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY THAT I CAN CHOOSE TO STAY OVER!

Can you realize how deep our friendship was?

It's supposed to be 13 years old now, if only not for the years that I have to remember that the friendship was ruined singlehandedly by one line of her words.

She told me straight in the face "It's your own fault"

What? It's my fault that you told a lie; it's my fault that you denied responsibility for it and it's a lie when you told your mom that I ruined our friendship when she asked why we never get out again?

Maybe I did something that annoys you, but it doesn't matter no more. You made me so scared of people.

And I never played badminton a day without thinking of my first friend. My floorball matches without thinking of pairing up with you on the field. Basketball without stepping on your toe.

And the skipping rope challenges. But no one remembered who won and who lost.

If only lost time could be found, this time I'd rather be who I am right now and not the cowardly fellow who used to tag behind you wherever you go in the past.

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Be strong, my friend

I'm worried.

My friend is not joking with me. Today I messaged him on his phone and his mom returned a sms telling me he has this stone illness that can affect his kidney and even develop into a cancer if the kidney is damaged which will cause him not to be alive for long..

My friend is now having his operation still. Would everyone say a prayer for him even if you do not belong to any religion?

Because I am.

P.S: Buddy, I'm missing ya so be strong. You said we would get out someday so keep to your promise okay?

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thankz!

People, I Love You All!

Yay people!

Addie: Thankz, I hope he's doing fine(if he let me know he's lying he's so gonna die lor..)

Ah Yi: You lamerrr! Your wizard cannot fight me la!

And I'm fortunate to have you guys as my friends..

You cheered me up by telling me worst experiences of yours so I felt much more better and crap crappy jokes..

I don't know what to say but thankz!

I just realized I neglected lotsa people in the past by the way. My friendster before getting into Poly was lesser than 110. Now it's 143 and I only added 10 peeps from my new class!

Where's the other 23< before this?!

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I think I want a sister

I've always wanted a sister I think. Someone I can go out with, play with and then occasionally throw me a line of "YOU IRRITATING BUGGER!" lol!

I found out that I love kids when I started mingling with my customer's little boys and the kids at the voluntary programme. I found out that I love having a sister when I realize "hey! she's so cute" and i can pinch her everyday and all kind of stuffs without thinking that she's a friend.

I think because I'm treating her like a younger sister I'm taking her to places I'd never take a friend to go to. And because I'm treating her like a sister I bully back the old ah pek who drown her in saliva.

Haha, but when asked if she would be my sister, that lass has got the cheek to say

"yang wo hen gui de leh!"

....you haven die before lo!!!

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Monday, August 21, 2006

I pon-ed school

Edit: One of my friend just msn-ed me and told me he had cancer. Sigh.

Today is just one of those day when I'd skip school to visit the office once in a while..

Well, I've got the 'legal' days off available!

Anyway I met up with Sally today and we got to the office together. I swear there was so much gossips, so many new surprises that for the whole day I still can't get myself to digest some of the news.

Like how some impossible couples got together; people leaving the company and how the coffeeshop uncle who always served my favorite home brewed lemon tea at our favorite kopitiam with my favorite bak chor mee became the boss of a newly opened kopitiam just a few stone throw away from our office!

Chatted with Sally along the way and we talked about several topics. Like how I felt there's a communication barrier in between another colleague and me(which concidentally she told Sally the same thing too) because our characters are too big of a difference and our thinkings clash too many a time.

I find it tiring to be communicating with her; to interact with her and to even keep someone company.

I am someone who is deeply affected by people's mood and what I'm doing everyday is trying to keep people happy to the extent that sometimes I do not realize it.

I may be tired physically or mentally but heck, I still wish for some people to be happy sometimes..

But she's never happy. She can complain about every single thing. She thinks too much of things which should just be chunk behind your head and think too little of things that should be taken seriously.

Of course, that's her own freedom.

That is why I say we have a big clash ya know? When she start asking for opinion and I begin to be brutally frank out of good intention, she would go "why are you always like this"; "eeyer I don't wanna talk to you no more!" that kind of responses just makes me piss off.

It's no wonder I'm keeping my distance with her now, though I really hope there's some way that we can solve this problem.

But heck, let's push it aside first!

On a seperate note, I'm missing my friends in school from just skipping one lesson! I'm missing my friends from my primary school, secondary school and yes, my workplace too!

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About Me

Although the name Charmaine creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, and nervous system.

Your first name of Charmaine has given you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities.
You have a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavour as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.

You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and are at the most creative when inspired.

Your expressive, affectionate nature responds quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.

from www.kalabarians.com

There are 18 letters in your name.Those 18 letters total to 90There are 7 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9
The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 4

A Soul Urge number of 4 means: With the Soul Urge or Motivation number of 4 you are likely to strive for a stable life. You tend to follow a rather orderly pattern and systematic approach in your endeavors. You have an inner desire to serve others in a methodical and diligent manner. You want to be in solid, conventional, and well-regulated activities, and you are somewhat disturbed by innovation and erratic or sudden changes. Excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing, you have a way of establishing order and maintaining it. You are responsible, reliable and in the final analysis, practical. Highly analytical, you can see your way through all sorts of situations and generally have a clear understanding of the issues. You are a very honest, sincere, and conscientious individual.

The negative side of the 4 is rigid, stubborn and somewhat narrow-minded. There is a tendency to hide feelings, or to really not be aware of real feelings. Avoid being too rigid and stubborn in your thinking, and try to always see the big picture rather than becoming to involved with the detail. Don't be afraid to take a chance once in awhile.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means: You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

from http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp

Your date of conception was on or about 25 October 1987 which was a Sunday.

You were born on a Sundayunder the astrological sign Cancer.Your Life path number is 5.
Your birthstone is Ruby -->The Mystical properties of Ruby

Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Your birth tree is Elm Tree, the noble-mindedness

Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.

from http://www.paulsadowski.com/Birthday.asp


Charmaine
Little song, or singer : Latin
Sensitive, emotional and caring you seek peace and harmony and desire to work for the benefit of others and society. Your talents and abilities may draw you towards teaching or service occupations where you would be a natural success. Although quite reserved your courage and ideals mean that you are single-minded and industrious in pursuit of your goals. Your affectionate and giving nature means that you are loved by all.

from http://www.bostonuk.com/index.cfm?id=572

On 2nd thought, its possible that i might just zoooon! and turn into a teacher. The kids at the voluntary session made me realize that.. haha! Maybe if we're content, we can be more easily satisfied and find more happiness this way.

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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Sometimes I feel that I'm more of a nomadic person rather than normal human beings.

I dislike stagnantation; hated restrictions and loathe committment and obligation sometimes.

Yet the people surrounding me, are people never like me. Maybe I never knew them; maybe i never really gotten to know them. Maybe I thought I knew, but I actually know nuts about them.

Maybe; maybe.

On a seperate note, I shall blog about I loathe having the feeling that I 'owe' people.

My friends, you probably know this. I never ask for money lent out to be returned but I always try to return what I have borrowed.

Why? I don't like the feeling of owing people.

Ever since I loaned my buddy in class $1 before I borrowed 30cents from her and she started telling the whole world that I owed her money when she owed me more than what I owed her, I made up my mind never to owe anyone anything again.

So when I decided to reinburse you some money for the bad promise I made which results in you having to pay more, I was sincere. And still is.

But what I loathe is that due to unforseen circumstances, I have told you I'll be transferring the money over to you but you didn't give me an account number, then when I told you I need your account number you said it's okay only to sms me again in a very polite tone to borrow the amount from me.

You know what? I would have gladly passed you the money. Just stop sms-ing me over this 'loan' because it keep reminding me that I owe you money even though the amount was willingingly suggested by myself to give it to you.

I am very frustrated because what happened made me wonder about what I know about you and the value of our friendship.

Darn, the feeling is back.

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

It's funny, how little things could brighten up your dull-ful days.

It's funny, how you get so addicted onto the little balls.. so quickly that your hand itches the moment you're reminded of it.

It's funny, how some food made your mouth drool and how they satisfied and sin so much at the same time..


And it's funny, why am I blogging nonsense now!

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Fallen ill

Recently these 2 days I've fallen to the weather/whatsoever reason and have gotten infection on my upper tract. It initially appeared as a sore throat, feeling pain whenever I swallow my saliva or food.

By afternoon, I've gotten myself feverish in class. I felt so cold, sooooo blardily cold! I tucked at my own jacket and at my classmate's and still felt so cold. Then I had a splitting headache that just doesn't seems to go away. I made a big mess out of my presentation and spent all my other time lying my head on the table, giving no attention to the other presenters out there.

And then I came home and slept for 12 hours, waking up 1 hour just to submit my assignment and drink something.

Today, I felt better. I went to meet my classmate and we got on the usual bus. Initially it was really fine, except that I felt a little weak. I thought it was because we stood through out the bus ride and I pass it off as being ok. It is then that I had a terrible headache + tummyache and start feeling real cold again. Then I felt the giddiness.

ARRRGGGGGGGG.

I rested my head against the handhold. I closed my eyes. I counted my breathing and tried to make my breathing normal again, trying my best to relax myself.


But my breathing just got faster, my head more giddy and the aircon just seems to get colder every second.. but with me sweating.

I was having cold sweat!

And then I gave up. I squatted at the entrance and stayed there for some time. I wanna take a cab home and sleep my way home. I don't wanna go school. I don't wanna go for my test. I don't wanna go anywhere else!

But I've reached my destination.

So I walked to school and poor me, I had to endure the coldness and the giddiness throughout the whole test. Thank god everyone are skipping lesson after the test so we got to get out of the boring module. Went to chill-out a little at the library because I'm supposed to have a meeting which got cancelled at the same minute and I played Taboo! with my mates and learnt how to play pool from them.

Happiness is me!

Now still feeling a little unwell, hope I gets better soon!

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Sunday, August 13, 2006

It's tiring to be living with one complete nuisance..

Crude of me to say that, but there's nothing I could see that would disassociate him with this term.

To some of the people out there who always have something to defend for their own foolishness, I shall quote something for all of you to look at.

"Simply because a problem is shown to exist, it doesn’t necessarily follow that there is a solution. " -- this is what brain are for, we don't simply wait for food to drop and answers to be given.

"There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown helpless about them." -- This is so true, I just can't understand why people says everything is doom when it isn't the end of the world yet.

And the irony of people committing suicide because of one man's words in 1997 makes me wanna laugh off my pants. You ignorant people, placed your fate in the hands of heaven and words. Where's you and yourself?

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." --- This is very applicable to people out there.. Gossip mongers thinks they're smart aleck making everything sounds so easy. They just don't understand that their limited openess to ideas and suggestions have made them so laughable, so ironic and so stupid to look at.

So who's boyfriend have hooked up with who?! Well, why should I care?

"Cranks generally become that way because they know a greater truth and no one will listen." -- Have people come to realize that being normal, is just a way of acknowledging themselves as part of a species of human who knows nothing but to repeat the boring daily routines and knowing nothing of what they've already knew?

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Friday, August 11, 2006

Tired

My brain was so dead just now during the whole lesson since morning.

I am sicked of taking initiative. I am sicked of the so-called 'leader'. I want to be the follower, following sane orders and being instructed what to do for once.

It's tiring to be giving orders and instructions to your teammates everyday. I wish to delegate my invisible 'post' if possible for once. Why is it that my friends and classmates says that I have the .. aura?! Is it meant to be a good or bad thing, because I'm getting tired.

Real tired.

When I wish to be given a little to slacken off, I start playing my game and to my amaze, everyone else did too! No one really cared a damn about how's the project is going to be done until I stop my game and says "Hey, come on, let's get down to work."

And one even have the cheek to continue chatting on the phone loud enough to distract our whole group. I had to ask my other classmates if I'd be too rude to ask her to carry on her conversation in a lower volume. Of course, being such a nice lass that I am... I msn-ed her and said "we're starting work now" and yes, I was very happy when she hang up the phone and came over to see what happens.

At least you're concerned.

So I spent my lunchtime drowning myself in cappuncino and experiencing the aftermath once my presentation is over feeling all the headaches and sleepiness and realized..

"Oh fuck! I drank coffee. Warm coffee!"

That's like so cool. Caffeine and alcohol drunks me. XD

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Straight after school I went over to my friend's classroom to help her with the books she's carrying and went straight to a meeting which lasted till 1 hour later. After which I finally get some breather with Yi accompanying me to the night market that had just opened near our school.

And you know what? They have this thing called "Taiwan's Bomb!" And yes, it was such a bomb, it turns out to be...

...3times the Japanese's octopus ball.

And the aunty gave me the cheese & ham when I wanted the prawn flavoured ones. That's so funny. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Real tired today, physically or mentally. Gotta catch my sleep soon so I could play with the kids tomorrow morning!

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Face Up

It seems like most of my friends who seems to have failed in a relationship would love this song "Take My Hand". Sounds familiar? Ha!

Went to meet my classmates early in the school today and squeezed our butts onto the bus. Tedious journey with a heavy bag and the thought of a particularly boring day and test for the day. BAH!

Anyway the day went pass kinda quick and I'm now sitting right here blogging(arbo) and planning out my day for tomorrow. I have an usually bad prediction for tomorrow. Boring day ahead due our nation's birthday! =D

Ain't a fan of the crowds nor ultra-patriotic, so I'm staying home. Ain't decent and proper hence the disinterest in speeches. I ain't watching it live at home too! I have a feeling that their shooting could be better if we have had more broadcasting companies here in singapore. The platform lacks creativity and breakthrough, people!

It seems as if all of the dramas/documentaries/varieties that we are watching has been watched in some other countries before and you can see a link between them distinctively. I'm not sure what the other might think, but thats my personal opinion. That's all.

We actually planned to have a day out tomorrow so we wouldn't end up lazing at home but it falls through so everybody, its a sleep-in-day + slack all you want + whatever day at home.

Really, I have no idea how my past 18 years have been spent.. on sundays and holidays. It seems so boring or is it me who is starting to get trap in the vicious cycle of everyday life?

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Recently saw a classmate of mine, her nick wasn't.. polite. It wasn't polite before, now or perhaps in the future. It's always filled with resentment; revenge and negative thoughts. She reminds me so much of myself sometimes.

I wanna tell her that her resentment of some people in class came from herself sometime, but they took things too personally so its kinda difficult to break it.

I don't deny that sometimes advice are really.. hard to be convinced. You know, like medicine are supposed to be bitter so you get well again?

However I feel that it's silly to build your resentment all on the others and allow yourself to feel the breeze of the sky when its sunny again.

People just gotta need to face up to the truth sometimes, isn't it?

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Sunday, August 06, 2006

Memories

Ah yi was talking about memories just now..

Memories. I rather have none.

I rather reset my memories and start from scratch. Maybe I'll be a better person. More expressive, more happy and less worries.

Who knows?

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Quizzes Outcome

Remember my post on "My Utopia"? I just realized I didn't put something really important in.. My Utopia should be filled with fresh air. No one should ask me to shut the windows in bright sunlight.

And I meant no one! It's gotta be stuffy and I don't like that.. I wonder why everyone at home loves to shut the windows. I can smell something stuffy and even hated the smell. But they seems to be suffering from nose block.

Suffocating anytime soon.. Thank god, I'm airing the house right now!




You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.

You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance.

You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.




You Are Periwinkle

You're very intuitive and sensitive. You often know other people better than they know themselves.
You're also quite optimistic, and you think well of yourself and others. You know your dreams will come true.



You Have A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood
You tend to succeed at everything you attempt
And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top!

You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun
As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested
You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success




You Are The Chariot

You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory.
You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally.
You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path.
In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward.

Your fortune:

There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others.
You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces.
You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong.
You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes.




Your Love Style is Pragma

You believe love is logical - or at least it should be
You've thought a lot about what you want from someone
And to say you have a checklist would be an understatement
You may even have a plan for how you will fall in love
All you've got to do is meet the perfect person!


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Saturday, August 05, 2006

Family Violence

I am Sad.

Home, should be a happy place to be in. With people you can communicate without any worries. Playing together like you've known each other forever or at least, given you support when you are down.

But I guess not all families can be so, because mine wasn't. The one broadcast on TV wasn't. Some of my friends' wasn't.

On the TV, the lead was molested by her brother-in-law who took no remorse at is behavior despite being useless as it is and having a pregnant wife. Her parent are against her at reporting the matter to the police reason being, it would make them lose face.

What A Joke.

This reminds me, ain't this like what my parent did? Defending for their precious son and making it out to be my fault despite knowing deep down I'm the victim.

In the example, it was a case of molestation. In my case, it was a case of family violence.

He'd beat me/cane me whenever he's frustrated, unhappy or have simply nothing to do. I have tried telling my parent many times but see what have been done?

Nothing. Each time it's a case of pretence and when I propose reporting it, they'd give all kind of promises and excuses. Even hurting me if needed.

I never knew what's going through their mind. The three of them. I never knew if I'm part of the family or am I just a toy to be battered and abused.

When I grew up, I became more indifferent to things around me. People. Lies. You name it. I don't like people calling my name, touching me or being my friend. I became anti-social. Everyone's a brat to me. No one's being true to anyone. I'm alone. I'm helpless if I need help. So I gotta learn to stand up to myself.

And I learnt. I learn to fall and stand up again. You abuse me verbally, I'll scream back at you in the same manner. You give me shit, I'll give you 10 times of it.

Even till now my home is in a ruin. How far is it from my utopia? A million miles away, maybe not even measurable. It's never gonna get anywhere near it.

Because I never belonged here in the first place.

I never felt valued nor needed.

Know what? I felt like a toy. Full Stop.

Watching that show just reminds me of how adamant a primary school kid wanted to get out of her home and establish her foot somewhere else, showing the world what she's capable of. Showing the people who let her down that they're wrong, making them bow to her whenever she's near.

The lead left her home and never acknowledged her family members again. I wouldn't too. But I was too young for that.

Now that I'm older, I think I know what I can do for myself, to reach my utopia.
And I won't restrict myself nor make myself unhappy again just to protect a friggin' place they call home.


If I have any kids, I swear I would never make them go through all of this. Never ever, in their entire life. If my spouse did it, I'll never forgive him.

So let's find someone who loves kids! =)

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My Utopia

I'm gonna start this entry off with one simple question.

"What's Your Utopia?"

I remembered the many times people asked me about my future. Be it the ideal job, the ideal man and the ideal lifestyle to lead, I don't think I ever told the truth. Not that I'm a liar my friend, but the constantly new ideas my brain are always generating.

Right now, I wanna be a stay-at-home mom. Sounds unbelievable? Yea! I can't believe it myself too. But the feeling of annoyance I used to get when I get around kids seems to smooth out so much. I'm loving those kids like they're mine and would love to shower them love with everything I have.

Mind if I don't spoilt them rotten! =)

I'm always visualizing my ideal home in this ideal location and everytime I always felt something's missing.

Hmm, let's see.. My Utopia should be the typical private property, built 3 storeys high; with a big swimming pool and a big garden!

In it will consists of the laughter of kids and the gentle vocals of the parents. The music that wanna makes you stay home and sip on a cup of wine. A pet or two, a big playful dog rolling over the floor now and then and a big library for us to satisfy our curiousity.

A big kitchen with everything in it, be it your own organic plants or the orchids that have just bloom! Wow, I'm fantanizing. Haha!


The whole week hasn't been smooth. Politics in the class and problems here and there. Had happy times of course, in the arcade crashing cars and playing with the kids on Saturday mornings.

Despite being drained out mentally most of the time, I'm starting to feel a little more control of my life.

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The Lake House

Recently I've been very happy in school. However, I'm always feeling empty.

Facing finacial crisis, but glad that I've resolved part of it now. Shall continue to plan out and see what happens.

Watched "The Lake House" today. We entered the wrong threatre, stepped on many innocent foots and blocked many interesting views. Most probably the most sinful day of my life, for I never did inflicted so much pain on anyone before.

God.Bless.Me

I'm kinda disappointed by the movie though I kinda loved the cast. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeve are really great actor/actress but the story ain't building up the atmosphere enough.

Everything was kinda predictable.

It may be my bad to be comparing but the korean version are way off better due to their excellent build up of atmosphere. It left you wanting for more and weeping at the end.

It's just that great. Will get the korean version if I could find it though!

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

快�清醒了..

有时候还真��懂自己

明明很想哭��拄, 勉勉强强地笑�..让别人都把我看得太�强.

自己很矛盾.

也很混乱.

有时候�知�自己在�些�么事, �知为了�有那么大的力�.

�尔空闲的时候会想起一些人, 他们对我的影�..给予我的精神力�

�使他们从未知�他们有多么的��.

对别人的关心我似乎无视了太久. 对自己的情感也似乎麻木了太多.

有时候还真希望我�是我呢..

少一些怪脾气, 多一些开朗与微笑.

我真的真的好想改�..

也真的真的好�有点.. 清醒了.

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Sometimes

I wish I had done more things
I wish I had turned back time
I wish I had not gone through certain experiences
I wish I am different.

Yeah different. But I'm not quite making it yet.

Felt depressed, uncreative and wishes to cry. But I don't know what I am crying for and why. I want to be alone for quite sometime..

Sometimes I think my subconscious works better than my brain do. It's probably chicken-brained because at times I would do things I didn't why and what I do it for. It's often after doing it do I finally realize why I am doing it.

Right now, I still have a lot of questions unanswered.

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